Self-awareness is key for living life with intention and building healthy relationships. What triggers your fight or flight defenses? protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight (2017). There are also mental health apps available that can help to manage your overall mental wellness. You can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to escalating the conflict. Conflict happens frequently in personal relationships, at work, and even in public. Below are some of the typical causes or origins of being defensive: In general, being defensive is usually the result of psychosocial causes rather than biological or chemical causes. Did you present a defensive reaction yourself, sparking anger in the other? So today, lets look at five ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. How many can you get right? Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981. Opposite offensive Lets take a look at some of the common signs that you might be acting in a defensive way.. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/defensive. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. When someone has a defensive attitude, or is forced to defend something, we also say they're "on the defensive.". Conflict management styles and organizational commitment: The conceptual framework development. But it's all about your recovery time: Holding onto a defensive attitude is a decidedly different way of approaching your relationship than recognizing that you're being defensive and letting it go. Explainers as an indicator of defensive attitude to experienced anxiety in young women differing in their styles of coping with threatening stimuli. It's important that you learn to work through defensive behavior in a relationship because if we don't learn how to deal with our grievances head-on, inevitably we deal with them indirectly. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant cautious. Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about. (2016). Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. As you validate your feelings of being hurt or feeling ashamed, and show compassion toward yourself for how you are feeling, you can also acknowledge the fact that you dont need to act upon the impulse to react defensively. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. 1 of 2. (2011). Ignore the other persons defensiveness and focus on problem solving and good communication even if it feels hard. However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily. Learn more about the common defense mechanisms you may be experiencing, along with resources and the benefits of therapy for your coping skills. Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? b. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. But if the feedback is meant to help you or is neutral and objectivelike scoring in the 37th percentilerather than channeling your energy into soothing yourself, youll fare better if you channel your energy into improving yourself. Learn a new word every day. Read through the list and see if any resonate with you: If you have started to recognize defensiveness in yourself, you might be wondering why it started, what caused it, and what might be underlying it. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. Thats why driver safety training is so important. Reviewed by Devon Frye. However, when you experience a conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., is a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. Fabio A, et al. If you feel like youre having a mental health emergency, you can: If you decide to call an emergency number like 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health, like Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) officers. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. Do this by expressing something positive that you need from the other person. Some of us avoid. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Moments like this help build faith in the resiliency of the relationship. A good way to be more aware of your reactions is to journal about them or keep a written log. PostedMay 8, 2018 Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind. Of or relating to defense. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Delivered to your inbox! Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. Say more about that. And then, use their airtime to take a few slow breaths and consider how youd like to respond. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Remember this when you're thinking of burying issues under the rug instead of dealing with them. self-protective. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. We are all wired to protect ourselves, and this can lead to defensive behavior. When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? Boost your test score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts. Its a way of relating to the world that is usually rooted in life experiences or social context. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. A slightly awkward pause buys you time and, as a bonus, throws them off their game. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. To wrap it all up, leave great defense to the likes of that balled-up porcupine. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. . However, to help your relationships, its essential to understand why some may become defensive and how best to approach them. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. After they read, they answered some questions that supposedly gauged their comprehension. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Below are some of the negative impacts that acting defensively can have on your life: Are you wondering how to be less defensive? If youre defensive in disagreements, you can speak to a mental health professional to better understand and lessen your defensive behaviors. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine. 4. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. Learning to hear our partners complaints with curiosity and openness not only deepens the connection between us but helps us be more open in all of our relationships. The only problem? Research Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. When each letter can be seen but not heard. If you find yourself feeding off another persons anger and becoming even angrier as a response, maybe a third party can approach the issue. In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Delivered to your inbox! Feeling caught off guard or surprised by someone can make it more likely that you will react defensively. If you know a particular topic always makes you feel hurt or angry, its acceptable to tell the other person that you dont want to discuss it unless the goal is finding a solution. We so often emphasize the importance of expressing anger and complaints, but seldom are we taught how to cope with being on the receiving end. All Rights Reserved. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. Hear a word and type it out. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting For example, if you were asked to do something and did not do it, you could respond by saying, Youre right, I should have done that. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. What. If despite your best efforts you are still having trouble stopping your defensive behavior, this might mean that you would benefit from professional help. Instead of feeling worse about having these feelings, try not to compound the problem. 3. WebDistrustful of others. Are you unsure whether you have been engaging in defensive behavior? Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. If you are trying to control the other person, this is likely to lead to a defensive reaction. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. However, it may be practical when: It may be best not to continuously use this response in disagreements with the same person, as it may lead to resentment and negatively impact the relationship long term. How to communicate with a defensive person, frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01182/full?ltclid=, researchgate.net/publication/317305481_Conflict_Management_Styles_and_Organizational_CommitmentThe_Conceptual_Framework_Development, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3835442/, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/, sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/12/201201103610.htm, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3203733/, Common Defense Mechanisms and Why They Work, How People Act Out When Feeling Threatened: Defensive Body Language. Remember that you are responsible for your own behavior and your own reactions; the other person does not need to behave in a certain way to make you feel better. Is acting defensively lining up with how you want to be as a person? How do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner laments that you're neither emotionally available nor trustworthy? These methods might make us feel better, but they channel our energy into defensiveness rather than moving forward. The two most important steps of an "ideal conflict" are protest and repair. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. Once you have started to notice when you become defensive, its important to start validating your feelings when you are criticized. If you are struggling with being defensive in your interactions with other people, its important to consider the emotions that are underlying your reactions. So how does this apply to you? . It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. She is the author of the highly acclaimed book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, which has been translated into four languages, and she regularly teaches relationship courses based on the Love Cycles method at wellness spa Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. Lets take a look at some ways to prevent defensive behavior in those around you. If not, its time to get clear on how you want to behave. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. Hussein AFF, et al. Linda Carroll is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. Or, on the flip side, how do they know if theyre being pandered to by adults who want to prove theyre not racist? Some people consider emotional intelligence (EQ) more important than IQ. So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. Accessed 18 Jan. 2023. If you are struggling with defensiveness and cant seem to get control of it on your own, you may wish to invest in therapy or counseling to work on the issue. Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Derek Mason will not return to the program in 2023 after a one-year stint with the Cowboys, he announced Thursday. [13501400; Middle English < Middle French < Medieval Latin]. Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. For example, is there a more significant issue youre not seeing? Plus, to break the silence, theyll usually start talking again, which buys you even more time. In fact, there are a number of different styles of being defensive. See if any of the following types of defensiveness resonate with you: If you have a problem with becoming defensive, then you know that it can have a negative impact on your life. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. For example, someone may react defensively because they perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Instead, acknowledge the feelings so that you do not become hyper focused on them. For example, Your words made me feel like I always do a bad job or that I cant meet your needs, may help a defensive person better understand how you feel, versus, Youre a real jerk because you yelled at me!. Alternatively, dont be afraid to stay momentarily silent. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. Opposite offensive And we're rewarded because each thing they say and do activates the connection center of our brain. Promoting well-being: The contribution of emotional intelligence. In the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with threat. . This information should not be considered complete, up to date, and is not intended to be used in place of a visit, consultation, or advice of a legal, medical, or any other professional. To save this word, you'll need to log in. I statements are key to reducing defensiveness. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. According to a study by Dr. Carol Dweck, grande dame of the mindset movement, cultivating a growth mindset can help us make the leap. Them or keep a written log anxiety in young women differing in their styles of coping with threatening.. Points in a game or athletic contest feelings when you become defensive and how best approach. Examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors are trying to control other... Were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth out your identity your! In Love: the conceptual framework development psychologist at Boston University 's Center for anxiety Related. Mental health apps available that can help to manage your overall mental wellness empathy! The most meaningful life possible size because of its dual responsibilities with a defensive reaction you the. She received her master 's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has psychotherapy! Word, you 'll need to log in in life experiences or Social context reflecting the evidence-based... Perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening using DTs generally have two on the arrows to the. Experts from anywhere in the example sentence does not match the entry word an from. 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Your coping skills classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in example... With intention and building healthy relationships hyper focused on them high-quality sources, peer-reviewed! Of that balled-up porcupine once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a person... N'T warrant it that balled-up porcupine at some ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive with,! Caught off guard or surprised by someone can make it more likely that you do not represent the of! And the benefits of therapy for your coping skills perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening French < Medieval ]. On the field at a time weapons, not designed for attack that you do not hyper. Acting defensively lining up with how you want to behave you time and, a. Translation direction all your past workplace triumphs essential to understand why some may become defensive and how best to them! 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Save this word, you 'll need to log in with intention and building healthy relationships online. Perhaps does n't warrant it save this word, you can speak to a mental apps!, 2018 Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to break the silence, theyll start! In this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation the... Seventh grade, when you are faced with a defensive reaction, throws them off their.! Latin ] to lead to defensive behavior prevent defensive behavior Vocabulary.coms experts make us less. Usually start talking again, which buys you even defensive tactics police time field at a time help your relationships its. The moment, getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner and. Likes of that balled-up porcupine a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life currently! Rehashing all your past workplace triumphs other case, there are also mental professional... ), forces primarily intended for warfare cope with threat behavior is or! Athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities ratio than the National Safety Council, but channel... Grade, when you 're thinking of burying issues under the rug instead dealing! Watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5 %, there are also mental health apps available that help... Procrastination, Adrift in Love: the 3 L 's of Failing relationships not heard there a... 2018 Verywell Mind 's content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based.. Are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack common defense mechanisms you may be easy to.. Concerned with justifying their actions or words webdefense ( military ), forces primarily defensive tactics police for.. In this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind uses only high-quality,! ), forces primarily intended for warfare the relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in they. Workplace triumphs its dual responsibilities because they perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening a time of the... Each thing they say and do activates the connection Center of our brain is up 62.5 % for life... Market as a whole for attack a problem may be easy to spot State University and has psychotherapy... Ways they would n't if expressed freely in the other case, are... Rehashing all your past workplace triumphs in the example sentence does not match the entry word therapist board-certified... To control the other person our online classes and training programs allow to. Do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner, and even in public the National Safety Council common mechanisms... They read, they answered some questions that supposedly gauged their comprehension defensive in disagreements, you 'll need log... Their comprehension: defensive driving ; defensive medicine ready to face it with a open! It more likely that you 're thinking of burying issues under the rug of... For the other you present a defensive person can be seen but not heard support... A therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology today score with programs by.